20 ways to make Orochimaru go insane
by CrazyFrog07
Summary: Suigetsu has had it with Orochimaru, and it's time for pay back! See how Suigetsu and the other sound nin get their revenge on Orochimaru. It's 20 ways to make Orochimaru go insane THE FANFICTION!
1. Chapter 1

Suigetsu sat in his room thinking about the hell he was living in. God he hated that Orochimaru guy. So he spent almost every waking moment he had sitting in his room thinking of creative ways to make Orochimaru's life a living hell.

He had started to make a list, and so far he had 12 things listed.

He got up and stretched, then walked over to his bedroom door and opened it. He walked out, not bothering to close it, and headed downstairs to get something to drink. He stopped at the entry way to the kitchen when he saw Karin sluggishly spooning Coco Puffs into her mouth.

"Looks like I wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep." Suigetsu grinned.

He went to the refrigerator and picked up a bottle of water. He spun it in his hand a couple of times before twisting off the cap and taking a big gulp of water.

"I swear to God…what the hell are you? A water demon? You drink so much water every frikin' day. How much exactly?" Karin asked, chewing around the Coco Puffs.

"About 30 gallons."

Karin stared at him as if he had said that he eats kittens for breakfast.

"Pfft, figures." She said and then went back to eating her Coco Puffs.

Suigetsu took another swig of water. After a few gulps his eyes suddenly widened comically and spit some of the water out on Karin.

"What the hell was that for!? Huh!?" Karin screeched her face now dripping with water.

Suigetsu didn't answer. He wiped some of the remaining liquid off of his chin and then he dashed up stairs leaving a confused and wet Karin in the Kitchen.

"Grrr…Damn him." She growled.

Suigetsu flew into his room and grabbed the piece of paper laying on his bed. The paper had on it the 12 ways he thought of to annoy Orochimaru.

He sat down with a soft 'plop' on the bed and grabbed the pen on his bed side table. Within a few seconds had added 8 more ways to annoy Orochimaru.

Heh…its funny how inspiration comes to you at the weirdest times.

He looked over his sloppy hand writing and grinned. He'd show the others tomorrow. He needed their help with this and he was sure that they would have a blast with it.

-0-

The next day Suigetsu made sure that Orochimaru had left the breakfast table before getting out the list that he so dearly loved. He unfolded it and showed it to everyone who was sitting at the table.

As the paper was passed around there many giggles heard from various people.

"Ah man you made this up? Dude you're a genius, I can't wait to try this out!" Kidomaru said. His eyes flashed mischievously as he handed the paper to Tayuya.

"I know right? It's about time the Bastard got what was coming to him."

**1. Tell Orochimaru that Sasuke said that he (Orochimaru) is a pedophile.**

Kimimaro walked up to Orochimaru with his usual expression on his face (otherwise known as expressionless).

Orochimaru turned in his chair to face Kimimaro.

"What do you want Kimimaro? I'm kinda busy here." Orochimaru motioned to the half-way dissected arm in front of him.

"Yes, well then, I'll make this quick." Kimimaro then sighed. "Sasuke said that you are a pedophile."

Orochimaru blinked. It took a few moments for the words to sink in.

"He said what?" Orochimaru asked with unbelieving eyes.

"He said that you are a pedophile, nothing more, nothing less." With that Kimimaro turned around and headed out the door.

Orochimaru stared after him for a minute or so. He then huffed and crossed his arms like a child throwing a tantrum.

"I am not a pedophile!"

**2. Cut his hair.**

That night, when Orochimaru was fast asleep, two shadowy figures silently snuck into his bedroom. In one of the figures hands was something shiny, the light of the moon reflecting off of the metal surface.

The two figures moved into the moon light and you could now see that it was the faces of Tayuya and Suigetsu.

They crept over to Orochimaru's bedside as quietly as possible. Suigetsu raised the scissors and took the first snip. More snips followed soon after that. Suigetsu cut ever which way, trying to get the hair cut to look as bad as possible.

When he had his fill he let Tayuya scoop up all the cut off hair into a bag.

When the deed was done Tayuya and Suigetsu strode out the door and down the hallway and into Karin's room (It was the only one that was big enough to hold them all.)

They both entered the room and Tayuya held up the bag of hair as if showing off a trophy.

"Heh heh, got it."

"Oh, awesome! Now we just have to save the hair for a little later." Jirobou said looking up from the list in his hand.

"Why?" Kabuto questioned.

Jirobou simply handed him the list and pointed at number 5. Kabuto's eye twitched slightly when he looked up from the offending piece of paper.

"That's not true." Kabuto said, glaring at the wall on the opposite side of the room.

Suigetsu and Jirobou grinned.

"Oh come on, me, you, and everyone here knows it's true." Suigetsu said motioning to everyone in the room.

"Humph!" Kabuto grunted defiantly.

"Anyway, we'll do the next one tomorrow." Suigetsu said.

With that everyone in the room started making their way back to their own rooms, each fantasizing Orochimaru's expression with the next prank.

* * *

A/N: All right, I know this was short, but all the chapters are going to be short. And for those of you who actually read my work already know that everthing I write is short. (sigh) 


	2. Chapter 2

Orochimaru blinked at his reflection in the mirror, his eyes half way open and what remained of his hair, disheveled.

Orochimaru took on a confused look when he noticed his hair, or lack there of. His left eye twitched and he let out a howl that rung through the entire base.

Juugo turned his head away from his breakfast in enough time to see Orochimaru flying down the hall, heading for the kitchen area. His eyes widened and his mouth went slack, making the chopsticks in his mouth fall to the floor with a clatter.

When Orochimaru had made his rampage known to the others, they also looked up.

"What the hell have you done?!" Orochimaru yelled at the group of sound nin. They blinked innocently back at him, none saying a word.

"Well?" He demanded.

"Well now at lest you don't look like a fruit." Kin said nonchalantly, scooping up some rice and stuffing it in her mouth.

That only seemed to infuriate Orochimaru even more.

"WHAT!!" He screamed. You could practically see the steam coming out of his ears.

"You heard me." Kin said, taking a gulp of water.

Orochimaru stared at her for a minute. None of his followers ever acted that way towards him and he didn't exactly know how to deal with it at the moment.

He turned around and started walking away. When he got to the entry way he stopped and turned around.

"Oh, you'll get yours soon enough." He said and then continued on his way out the door.

Kin let out a sigh as she continued to eat her breakfast.

Snorts and soft giggles where heard before full blown laughter set in.

"Oh man! Suigetsu you are a God! I bow down to you!" Kidomaru said while eating the kitchen floor.

"I know." Suigetsu said. He downed his water bottle and then got back up to get another one from the fridge.

"All right, this 'prank' is going to take some time." Suigetsu said turning to his now loyal band of mindless (or so he thought) followers. "So I want Sakon, Ukon, and Kimimaro to get the materials on this list, and I want the rest of you are going to help decorate the dungeon to meet this criteria." He motioned to number 3 on the list.

"Oh, and Tayuya, I want you to rest because I want you to be able to keep the Genjutsu up for about two hours. Understood?" Suigetsu asked everyone.

There was a mixed mummer of 'yes', 'yeah', 'okay', and 'whatever you say boss'.

-0-

A couple hours later and they had the deed of 'decorating' accomplished. Now all they needed was Orochimaru to pull it all together. They sent Kabuto to go fetch him.

When Kabuto brought Orochimaru down to the dungeon, everyone in the vicinity saw that Orochimaru had taken to wearing a black ski cape on his head to keep his horrible hair out of sight.

"What do you want? I was in the middle of something important." Orochimaru said looking aggravated. He crossed his arms and looked to the dull, grey wall on his left.

"Oh, we just want to show you something…" Zaku said pointing off to the side were a closed off dungeon cell was. The door was closed and Orochimaru didn't know what was wrong with it, it looked ordinary enough to him.

**3. Stick him in a room with pink padded wall, no doors or windows, and Tsunade. (See how long it takes him to get out)**

Before he could even take the first step he was hit over the head with something big, hard, and heavy. He suspected it was an encyclopedia. Before he even hit the ground he felt something warp tight around him.

**4. While being stuck in a straight jacket.**

After a few moments wrestling him into the straight jacket he was chucked into the dungeon cell. It was about 5 minutes before he stopped seeing stars and he could get his bearings straight.

When he was finally able to sit up he saw…pink. And more pink and even more pink. He let out a little whimper. Well it may be pink, but at lest it was _soft._ He looked around some more. Something wasn't right.

'Hey, where did the door go?' He thought.

He focused his eyes into the far corner of the room. It wasn't all pink there. In fact he saw green, blondish-yellow, red, and black. The colors started moving a bit and they started to form the body of a woman.

"$#&!" Orochimaru screamed when he figured out who the women was.

Outside the door all the sound Nin could hear Orochimaru's terrified screams of 'Tsunade, what the hell are you doing here?' and 'No! Tsunade, don't!' and 'Put your clothes back on!'

Dosu was standing near the door with a stop watch in his hand. Tayuya was standing in the corner playing her flute, casting the illusion on the poor, unfortunate soul known as Orochimaru.

A few more minutes flew by with Orochimaru's horrid screaming to accompany them, and then everything went silent. Orochimaru bust through the wall beside Ukon and Sakon. He looked paler then usual. (Astonishing, isn't it?)

They both jumped back out of the way, only getting hit by the falling dust left after Orochimaru's mad dash out of the room.

Orochimaru raced up the winding stair case and out of sight.

As soon as Orochimaru was out of sight and ear shot everyone fell to the ground laughing. (Okay almost everyone, Kimimaro only smirked.)

"Hey Dosu, how long did it take for him to get out?" Suigetsu asked walking over to the boy.

"57 minutes." Said Dosu showing the stop watch to everyone.

"Really? I thought he would have gotten out sooner." Suigetsu looked lost in thought.

"All right, now we have to go to my room and get Orochimaru's cut off hair." Kidomaru then grinned at Suigetsu and they both turned their heads toward Kabuto.

"I'm really not going to enjoy this am I?" Kabuto said.

"Probably not." Suigetsu grinned.

**4. Sell his hair and man whore, Kabuto, on eBay.**

Under it was written _severely over priced man whore and hair _in Suigetsu's sloppy handwriting.

"Alright Kabuto, say cheese and look pretty for the camera." Zaku said as he hit the button and took the picture just as Kabuto was turning around.

"Ack!" Kabuto squawked, his arms flew up to guard his face from the blinding flash.

"Hey guys! I got the picture!" Zaku said waving the camera around in the air above his head.

Kabuto, who was still seeing lights, waddled over to the computer and gathered around it just like everyone else.

They loaded the pictures into the computer and put the bid up on eBay.

-0-

2 weeks later bidding was done and Kabuto and Orochimaru's hair now had a new owner. They boxed up the hair and Kabuto and sent them to their new homes. (Right let's get something straight, they didn't box up Kabuto too, they just told him to wait in the next town over for a couple of days. But they really did send the hair.)

They got the money, and a paper saying all the important stuff. And then they shipped off the hair and waited for the complaint from the girl they sent it too to say that she only got the hair and her man whore didn't come with it.

-0-

Orochimaru wondered where Kabuto had gone. It has been 3 days and Orochimaru was missing his personal 'servant.' (slave)

Orochimaru walked over to Zaku who was sitting on the couch, fiddling with a pen and staring into space.

"Zaku, have you seen Kabuto around?" Orochimaru asked.

"Sold him." Zaku said twirling the pen.

"Sold him?" He questioned.

"Yep, on eBay. Him and your hair, they got a good price too. 2 million ryou. Can you believe that?" Zaku said holding the paper out for Orochimaru to see.

Orochimaru took hold off the paper and looked at it up and down, left and right, he even tried turning it upside down to cheek for flaws. He started shaking with anger when he found out it was he real deal.

Orochimaru narrowed his eyes at Zaku and then smacked him over the head.

"Get him back!" Orochimaru said with a sneer as he walked back to his lab.

Zaku chuckled as he rubbed the bump on the back of his head.

"Alright, we better bring him back now." Zaku said to Karin when she walked into the living room.

"Damn, I was enjoying it here without him." Karin said with a huff. She turned to go tell the others that it was time to bring Kabuto back.

"I'm sure you were." Zaku said, getting up to fallow her to the others.

-0-

Kabuto was back now, though I can't say the same thing about Orochimaru's hair. They had gotten the complaint by now but ignored it.

Orochimaru was happy because his sound Nin hadn't tried anything in the last few days. He walked past Tayuya's room. The door was slightly ajar and inside sat Tayuya with Karin.

**6. Tell him Itachi is prettier then him.**

They seemed to be discussing something very important for they were speaking in hushed voices and their eyes darted around every so often.

"You have to agree with me that Sakon is hot." Tayuya whispered.

"No way! Juugo is much hotter!" replied Karin.

Well, so much for important…

"But you have to admit that Itachi is _the _Hottest guy out there right?" Tayuya said giggling like a school girl.

"OMG! You're right! He so much hotter and prettier than Orochimaru." Karin said.

'Itachi is not prettier than me!' Orochimaru thought

"Excuse me, but did you say that Itachi is prettier than me?" Orochimaru asked hopeful that he just misheard.

"You were eavesdropping on us?" Karin asked.

"Well..um…I…" Orochimaru stuttered.

Karin and Tayuya glared at him but answered his question anyway.

"Yes that's what we said, Itachi is defiantly _much_ prettier than you." Tayuya said.

Orochimaru stared at them for a moment more and then walked off to leave the two to their conversation.

"Heh heh heh, we got him good. Did you see the look on his face? He looked so hurt that it was funny." Karin said, holding her hand in front of her face to stifle the giggles that were threatening to rise in her throat.

"Man I can't wait until we do the rest." Tayuya said. "I wonder if we will be able to send him to an asylum after this is over?"

"I don't know but we can try!" Karin said.

* * *

Man I am having to much fun with this! I don't know if the next updates will be fast or slow, beceause I still have a project to do over the summer for school. 


	3. Chapter 3

Orochimaru walked down the hall and into the living room for some peace and quite. Maybe read a book or just doze off for a few minutes.

He didn't expect to find Kin and Zaku sprawled out in the middle of the floor playing with Pokemon cards. Orochimaru cocked an eyebrow that disappeared underneath his ski cape.

He stepped over the two teens and made his way over to the couch. He looked over to see Kabuto sitting in the corner all alone. He also held Pokemon cards in his hand, but he was just staring at them but not really doing anything with them.

**7. Force him to play Pokemon with Kabuto. (1)**

Kabuto turned his head in Orochimaru's direction and looked at him with saddened eyes. Kabuto stuck his lower lip out in a cute pout. (Awww)

"Orochimaru, why don't you go play Pokemon with Kabuto? He seems lonely and he has no one to play with." Kin said gesturing to the poor pathetic creature in the corner.

Orochimaru grimaced a bit.

"Where did you even get Pokemon cards" Orochimaru asked trying to get out of the situation.

"We conned them of some kid in the street." Kin said nonchalantly.

"Uh…huh." Orochimaru said nodding his head and down slowly.

"Orochimaru-sama? Can you please play with me?" Kabuto whimpered.

"Yeah, play with the poor puppy." Zaku said from his position on the floor.

'Poor puppy?' thought Kabuto.

Orochimaru sighed long and hard, and then he caved.

6 hours later

Orochimaru collapsed on his bed and immediately went to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

-0-

At around 2:53 in the morning Orochimaru slowing opened his eyes when he heard music coming from his doorway.

**8. Make him listen to My Milkshakes and Fergalicous over and over again.**

Orochimaru removed his head from the pillow to look at his bedroom door. His door suddenly burst open to revile Suigetsu, Jirobou, Sakon, Ukon, Zaku, Dosu, Kidomaru, and Juugo all dressed up in drag.

Orochimaru coked an eyebrow before groaning and burying his head in his pillow. He was hoping that he would wake up any minute now and see that this is all just a horrible nightmare.

When the annoying music didn't stop he turned his head again. His eyes widened in pure terror when he saw that his minions had started dancing to the music.

He looked over to his right and he saw that somehow, they had managed to get a stripper pole in his bedroom without him noticing. Juugo was currently the one pole dancing.

Everyone else was ether trying to push each other out of the way to get some lime light or trying to keep their tube tops from falling off.

Orochimaru suddenly jumped from his bed and tried to shoo everyone out of his room. His shouts and yells never made it over the boom box that was currently play 'My Milkshakes'.

He noticed that his shouts were not being heard, so he tried moving everyone out by force. He hurriedly push people out of his room, and the ones that weren't being pushed out were still dancing as if nothing was wrong.

He was finally able to push everyone out but he could still hear the music coming from the other side of the door.

He bared his teeth and rushed to the door yanking it open to tell them to turn it off, but when he fully opened the door his sound Nin were gone and left the boom box blaring out Fergalicous. He quickly turned it off, slammed his door shut and went back to sleep.

-0-

Days have gone by and he was still hearing that God forsaken music. Someone had snuck into the speaker room, put on a continuous tape with 'My milkshakes', and 'Fergalicous' on it, pressed play, locked the door from the inside, and then went off and left it there.

The songs played continuously on the loud speaker day and night. Orochimaru now had deep set bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep. Everyone else didn't seem to be bothered by the music at all, and at times danced to it. (In other words, all the time.)

Orochimaru shoot up from the counter he was leaning on when 'My Milkshakes' started playing again.

"THAT'S IT!!" Orochimaru screamed.

He ducked behind the counter and brought out a crow bar (mainly used for when Karin decided Suigetsu was her new plaything/beating bag)

Orochimaru stormed out of the kitchen and down the hall too the speaker room. Once he had gotten there he jammed the crow bar into the side off the door and forced it open.

This caused quite a lot of noise and once the sound reached the other sound Nins ears they rushed to the scene.

They all saw Orochimaru going on a rampage and destroying everything in the speaker room that was within his line of vision.

…

Half hour later Orochimaru stood in his self made pile of destruction panting heavily. He looked around and seemed satisfied at the wreckage. He made himself look as dignified as possibly before waltzing out of the speaker like nothing happened.

The sound Nin followed Orochimaru with there eyes until he had gone around the corner. Again, snorts and giggles all around.

"Ha! I knew it would be 10 days before he cracked! Pay up Sakon!" Ukon shouted.

Sakon grumbled while reaching for his wallet and handing Ukon 50 ryou.

-0-

The next morning Kabuto came into the kitchen and saw Tayuya and Orochimaru eating some type of muffin.

**9. Give Kabuto Bran muffins (see 50 ways to freak out/piss off Yakushi Kabuto.)**

"What are you eating?" Kabuto questioned.

"Bran muffins. Want one?" Tayuya said not looking up from the newspaper in front of her. She held the muffin out for Kabuto to take.

Kabuto never took the muffin. He instead stared at it like it was going to eat him. He started twitching violently before running down the hall screaming for his mommy.

Orochimaru blinked. He and Tayuya stared at each other before shrugging and going back to their meal.

Kabuto was on his bed freaking out.

"I hate you Suigetsu…I hate you…" Kabuto muttered under his breath.

* * *

1: For those of you who don't know Kabuto is also a type of Pokemon

A/N: One of my friends always sings 'My Milkshakes' and it gets quite annoying and weird since it's a boy singing it.


	4. Chapter 4

Suigetsu stared at the cards in front of him, trying to plan the best plan of action. He looked to his left to see if he could anticipate Juugo's moves. He did the same thing to Jirobou who was to his right.

He then looked in front of him to see Orochimaru, also concentrated on the cards in front of him.

"Do you have any sevens?" Suigetsu asked Jirobou. Jirobou grinned.

"Go fish."

Suigetsu cursed under his breath as he took a card from the pile.

"Alright, your turn Oreo." Suigetsu said while lifting his water bottle up to his lips.

Orochimaru narrowed his eyes at the white haired teen.

"I told you not to call me that." Orochimaru sneered, straighting his ski cape that was about to fall off.

"Whatever you say Oreo."

Orochimaru growled a bit at the name.

"Anyway, Ukon, got any threes?" Orochimaru asked.

**10. Shout 'your mom' at him.**

"Argh, Your mom!" Ukon shouted as he handed Orochimaru his three.

Orochimaru took it and then blinked. And then all of the sudden his eyes stared to get teary.

"MOMMY!" Orochimaru cried as he got up (cards still in hand) and ran out of the room.

Ukon, Juugo, and Suigetsu were in shock.

"Pfft" snort "Hehehehe" another snort "Bwahahaha!"

"Man! I thought that he would just argue, I didn't know that I would make him cry!" Ukon said howling with laughter.

"What's going on here?" Kimimaro said from the door way. "I just saw Orochimaru running down the hall way and screaming 'mommy'."

"Let's just say that he sensitive about his mom…" Suigetsu trailed off. "Ah damn! He took his cards with him. Now we can't play any more!"

"Oh forget the game, how bout' we watch a movie instead?" Juugo asked.

"Okay…"

"Hey guys what are you doing?" Kidomaru asked walking up to them.

"About to watch a movie, want to watch it with us?" Jirobou asked

"Sure, why not? Got nothing better to do." Kidomaru sighed.

-0-

"That was a good movie" Suigetsu said. He looked past everyone and spotted Orochimaru up ahead. "Oh, this is going to be great, Kidomaru you ready?"

Kidomaru just nodded his head.

**11. Yell "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!" (1)**

'Geeze, if Ukon could get Orochimaru crying by just saying 'your mom', I wonder what Kidomaru will be able to do.' Suigetsu thought.

Orochimaru was right in front of them when Kidomaru bellowed at the top of his lungs "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

Orochimaru stopped dead in his tracks. He slowly turned to face Kidomaru, Suigetsu with tears in his eyes.

"Oh, first you talk about my mother, and now you talk about my father you bastard!?"

"Yeah."

The next thing Kidomaru knew, there was pain in face and his ass was on the ground. A moment more Kidomaru found out that Orochimaru had punched him.

Again Orochimaru turned and ran to his room.

Despite the pain in his face, Kidomaru started laughing. Suigetsu, Ukon, and Juugo also started laughing.

Orochimaru could hear their laughter from down the hall.

'Oh, now their laughing at me. I told my therapist that everyone hated me and laughed at me!' Orochimaru thought.

…

**12. Make a plushie of him and Jiraiya and tell him the Jiraiya one is cuter.**

For the past six weeks Kin has been working on something private. She turned away from anyone who had tried to talk to her, especially Orochimaru. At the end of the six weeks she showed off her creations.

She had called everyone into the living room to show off her work. She brought both of her creations from her back and showed them to everyone in the vicinity.

The Orochimaru one was misshapen with stuffing coming out the side of its neck, the stitching was very poor and was seen through material, and the eyes were lopsided. The Jiraiya one on the other hand was sewn perfectly. The stitching was neat and couldn't be seen, the eyes were nice and straight and he had a nice smile sewn on too.

"I call this one (She pointed to the Orochimaru one) little Oreo. And I call this one (points to the Jiraiya one) little Ero-chan!" Kin said

Orochimaru's eye twitched.

"I worked so hard on both of them." She gushed.

Orochimaru's mouth twitched.

"Aren't they both so cute?" She asked

Orochimaru's hand twitched.

"But I must say that Ero-chan is much cuter." She said nodding her head in approval.

Orochimaru turned his back and started to walk away very slowly while muttering 'must kill Jiraiya, must kill Jiraiya, must kill Jiraiya.' under his breath.

-0-

"Jiraiya, 52 year-old male, was found dead near the hot springs last night…"

Suigetsu looked up at the TV screen with a half-way eaten rice cracker in his mouth.

"Oh! So that's where Orochimaru went…"

* * *

1: If you can tell me what movie they just watched/ movie I used then you get a cookie. 

A/N: Sorry it took so long, I wrote the chapter but then my ass of a computer delited it so I had to rewrite it.


	5. Chapter 5

Gentle shaking.

"Hey wake up."

Rough shaking.

"Wake up."

Violent shaking.

"WAKE UP, GOD DAMNIT!"

"What the hell do you want?!" Orochimaru yelled.

"It's time to get your fortune read." Jirobou said.

"Time to get my fortune re…what?" Orochimaru asked grabbing his ski cape from his bedside table and put it on his head. He was tired and the ski cape was half on half off showing off his hair on one side.

"Get your fortune read, come, we must do this while the stares are in line." Jirobou said in a kinda creepy manner.

Jirobou jerked Orochimaru out off his bed and pulled him down the hallway to the living room, then down the stairs and into the basement.

When Orochimaru entered the basement he didn't expect to find Karin draped in all kinds of cloths of all different patterns and styles. The only thing you can see of her was her glasses that reflected the light of the crystal ball in front of her.

She moved her hands around the crystal ball creating smoke in the ball.

**13. Tell him that Sasuke is going to kill him in the near future. **

"Why the hell am I here?" Orochimaru asked his eyes still only half open.

"Karin got a new astrology set and she wanted to try it out." Jirobou said.

"Then why couldn't she try it out on you guys." Orochimaru giving Karin and Jirobou a sneer.

Jirobou just shrugged.

Orochimaru huffed but sat down in front of Karin anyway.

Karin moved her hands around a few times then stopped.

"Mmhmm." She hummed.

Orochimaru didn't bother asking why she hummed just merely sat there waiting for to say something.

"Now drink this tea." She said and pushed a full cup of tea into Orochimaru's hands.

Orochimaru said nothing and complied. He drank the entire cup and lowered it from his face. Karin then yanked the tea cup from Orochimaru's hands.

"Mmhmm." She hummed again as she stared into the cup.

"Sasuke's going to kill you in the near future." Karin said simply.

"Wha?"

"Sasuke's going to kill you in the near future. It's all here, see look." She said.

She pushed the tea cup into Orochimaru's face. Orochimaru put his hand in front of his face and forced Karin's hand back down.

"All I see is tea leaves." Orochimaru said.

"Exactly! And what do the tea leaves form…?"

"…" Orochimaru stayed silent

"A black dog!" She yelled.

"And the significance of that is…?" Orochimaru questioned.

"Well didn't you know? The black dog signifies death!"

"No."

"Oh, well, now you know."

"So does that mean I'm going to die?" He asked.

"Yes, Sasuke's going to kill you in the near future. So you better be prepared." She said as faded into the shadowy background. Orochimaru turned around just to see Jirobou do the same.

"Man I should stop drinking stake sauce before I go to bed."

-0-

_Dear dairy,_

_Suigetsu has been acting weird these days. He keeps staring at me like he's going to eat me and he now carries around eating utensils and salt and pepper and it's getting really quite creepy._

_Anyway I'm singing out now. You're really the only one who understands me now._

_Love,_

_Orochimaru_

Sprite gushed out of Tayuya nose (ouch) because she was laughing so hard. She rubbed her nose trying to get the burning to stop.

'This is gold!' Tayuya thought as she got up and ran to show the others.

**14. Stare at him like your going to eat him, clang a fork and knife together every so often, and carry around salt and pepper. **

"See it's working Suigetsu." Tayuya said pointing at the dairy entry.

"I knew that it was, now let me see that diary…" Suigetsu said.

Suigetsu saw Orochimaru coming into the room and he quickly hid the dairy behind his back.

**15. Tell him you're a cannibal.**

Orochimaru eyed the eating utensils and the salt and pepper shakers by Suigetsu wearily.

Suigetsu got up slowly and picked up the things lying next to him. He walked over to Orochimaru and put a hand on his shoulder then looked up and gave Orochimaru a manic grin that showed off al of Suigetsu's sharp teeth.

"Orochimaru, you do know that I'm a cannibal and that I'm going to eat you one of these days right?" Suigetsu asked tilting his head to the side to make him innocent.

"Suigetsu, I don't know what the hell you're smoking, but I think better get off of it before it affects your brain any further." Orochimaru said simply. He shrugged off Suigetsu's hand and walked away from him.

Suigetsu stared off after Orochimaru.

"Damn, that back fired on me…" Suigetsu muttered. "He must be figuring out that we are messing with him way too much now a days."

…

Orochimaru was in his room freaking out. He was able to keep his cool until he shut the door and then he lost it.

"Oh my God! I knew he was cannibal, I mean just look at those teeth! What kind of regular human would have those kinda teeth?" (1)

"Oh God…now he's going to eat me in my sleep." Orochimaru muttered as he curled up in a ball on his bed.

There was a clanging sound coming from out side his door.

Orochimaru jumped a bit and grabbed the stuffed, purple snake and cradled it to his chest while he started to suck his thumb.

Orochimaru then sat up and looked around.

He mashed his teeth together and growl escaped his throat.

"Tayuya! Where the hell is my dairy?"

* * *

1: Is it law for all mist Nin to have really bad teeth? I mean come on just look at Zabuza, Kisame and now Suigetsu! creepy... 

A/N: I'm going to be working on another story with MyObessionisGaara. It's called 'Konaha's annule man-hunt' it's pure crack but gold. So be looking for it, should be coming out soon.(it's going to be on my account just so you know.)


	6. Chapter 6

"Oh, really, I can't believe you actually found us after we put that ad in the paper" Kin said over the phone. "Oh, so you'll consent to a DNA test?" She paused. "That's wonderful!"

Kin looked over her shoulder to see Orochimaru walking into the living room. She glanced forward quickly and continued talking but now in a hushed tone.

"I'll call you later." She said and set the phone on the receiver.

"What was that?" Orochimaru asked.

"Um…I'm finding a lost puppy!" Kin yelled jumping up in the air.

"What does DNA tests have to do with finding a lost puppy?" Orochimaru asked folding his arms across his chest.

"Uh…Advances in science, you can't argue with that." Kin said bringing her arms back down to her sides and looking nervous.

She pushed her way past Orochimaru and went down the hall to her room.

Orochimaru just shook his head and continued on his way to the kitchen.

-0-

A couple weeks later Orochimaru was coming back from his weekly spa trip.

When he drove into the driveway (yes he has a car, and a driveway.) he saw two strange cars parked in the drive way.

'Did Kabuto get a car?" Thought Orochimaru as he got out of the car and went down the steps to the 'Front door' and walked inside.

When he walked inside the living room was not as it was when he had left. It was instead an exact replica of the 'Maury' TV set.

"What the hell?" Orochimaru said as he looked around at the TV set.

He turned his head and saw two grown men sitting on the couch.

"Brother!" They both yelled and got up to go give their 'bother' a hug.

**16. Bring in Michele Jackson and Voldemort and tell them they're triplets.**

"Who the hell are you?!" Orochimaru screamed.

"Your long lost brothers of course!" Voldemort yelled.

"My bro-what? How did you get into my layer?" Orochimaru screamed again and tried to pry them off of him.

"Your man whore let us in."

"I am NOT his man whore!" Came Kabuto's yell from down the hall.

Orochimaru looked over to see a camera man filming the scene.

"Is that a camera man?" He said.

"Yes, this is being broadcasted live across the 5 great nations." Came Kin's voice.

"WHAT!"

-In Konoha-

"Oh my God! Shizune! You have to see this!" Tsunade said pointing at the TV screen.

Shizune squinted at the TV

"Is that Orochimaru?" Shizune asked.

"Oh man! I've got to call Jiraiya!"

"…"

"Hey Jiraiya! Turn on your TV and turn to channel 56."

"What, why?" Jiraiya asked over the phone.

"Trust me it will be worth your while!" Tsunade said.

Jiraiya turned on his TV and flipped to channel 56.

"Oh my God! Orochimaru is on the Maury show!"

-In Oto-

"So Orochimaru, we got the DNA results back and…"

Orochimaru groaned.

"And…?"

"And you guys really are bothers!" Kin yelled.

"YAY!" Voldemort and Michele Jackson screamed.

"NOOOOO!" Orochimaru wailed falling to the floor.

"So Orochimaru how do you feel now that you know you have brothers?" Kin asked.

"Kin. Run." Orochimaru said simply.

"Huh?"

"I said run. Now!" Orochimaru shouted as he got up and chased Kin around the living room.

"Kabuto! Get everyone out. Now!" Orochimaru yelled still chasing Kin around the layer.

Kabuto obeyed quickly not wanting to feel the wrath of Orochimaru. And in a matter of minutes everyone was out and Kin now had broken arm and a concussion.

"That's what you get Kin now clean this up." Orochimaru ordered.

-0-

**17. Steal Tayuya's flute, stash it under his bed, and when Tayuya comes running, screaming where her flute is, point to Orochimaru.**

Jirobou stalked into Tayuya's room when she, Kin, and Karin went to have a 'girl's day out'. He quickly found her flute and stole out of the room before anyone could come and catch him.

He snuck silently to Orochimaru's room and was relived when found he was not in the room. He went into the room and push the flute underneath the king sized bed and then left.

A few hours later everyone in the layer knew that Tayuya no longer had her flute.

She ran to the kitchen where everyone was and yelled at the top of her lungs.

"Where is my flute you dipshits?"

Jirobou casually pointed to Orochimaru and then went quickly back to eating.

"What? I don't have your flute." Orochimaru said.

"Sure you don't." Tayuya said sarcasticly.

Jirobou beckoned Tayuya over to his side. She came hesitantly.

"Check under his bed." He whispered to her.

Tayuya just nodded her head and left the room.

"What did you tell her?" Orochimaru asked.

"Nothing…" Jirobou said taking a sip of his soup.

Just then Tayuya walked in with her flute in hand. She continued to walk over to where Orochimaru was sitting and without warning, clocked him on the head with her flute.

"What the hell was that for?" Orochimaru yelled rubbing his head.

"Don't still my flute." Was all she said and then she turned away and walked back out of the kitchen.

Everyone couldn't help but giggle at Tayuya's actions.

"And what are you guys laughing at?" Orochimaru asked turning to the rest of the people in the kitchen. They immediately shut up when they saw Orochimaru's death glare.

-0-

"Hello is this Akatsuki?" Asked Kidomaru over the phone.

**18. Tell Akatsuki that Orochimaru is really the Yamata no Orochi (eight tailed demon snake) and that they were stupid for letting him go. Watch as they attack him. **

"Yes. What do you want?" Came the voice on the other side.

"We are calling about your former member Orochimaru."

"Orochimaru?"

"Yes, we have just been informed that Orochimaru is the Yamata no Orochi." Kidomaru said trying to stifle his laughter and sound professional.

"What! The Yamata no Orochi? We've been looking for that one for a while now. Man now I feel stupid for letting him go."

"Yes you are very stupid."

"…Your not supposed to agree with me." The voice said coldly.

"I'm not supposed to but I did anyway. Now Good-bye and have a nice day." As soon as the phone reached the receiver Kidomaru burst out laughing.

"Hanako!" The Leader of the Akatsuki yelled. (1)

"Yes sir?" She said when she came.

"You and me are going to capture the Yamata no Orochi. Come we must go to Otogakura!(sound)

"Alright sir."

-0-

Orochimaru didn't know what happened to him. He was sitting in his room reading a book and the next he knew he was back in the Akatsuki's dungeon.

"Huh? What?" Orochimaru asked confused.

"Your ass is ours Yamata no Orochi!" Came a familiar voice.

"Oh shit…" Was all Orochimaru could manage before was knocked out.

-0-

"Hey do you know what happened to Orochimaru? He's been gone for 4 days." Kabuto said looking around.

Just then Orochimaru came through the door all bruised and battered.

"I hate the Akatsuki." Was all he said as he made his way into the hallway.

"What does that mean?" Kabuto asked looking down at Kidomaru.

He just shrugged and went back to playing video games.

* * *

1: Hanako is the name I gave to the blue-haired Akatsuki member.

A/N: Man I really need to start on that project for school. But It's so easy being side-tracked. Damn I'm a procrastinator!


	7. Chapter 7: The final Chapter

After many days of fighting with Tayuya, Orochimaru finally was able to get his dairy back.

_Dear dairy,_

_I have no idea why I am writing this now but I was thinking about it recently and I don't think I've told you about it yet._

_Anyway, when my parents died Sarutobi-sensei said something about white snakes bringing good luck. When I found a white snake skin by my parents grave he told me that means that my parents might reincarnated, and that I might be able to meet them when I was older._

_Love,_

_Orochimaru_

Kabuto looked up and from the recent dairy entry and chuckled.

'I'll tell Suigetsu about this, maybe we could use this to our advantage.' Thought Kabuto.

**19. Tell that the myth that Sarutobi told him was a lie, and that white snakes, in fact do not bring good luck.**

Kabuto missed the small print underneath Orochimaru's signature.

'…_I thought that was a load of bullshit.' _Was written in Orochimaru's handwriting.

-0-

Kabuto came up to Orochimaru later that day to tell him.

"Hey Orochimaru." Kabuto called from the laboratory doorway.

"What?" Orochimaru called looking down at a bundle of papers. When Kabuto drew closer Orochimaru shoved the papers underneath a pile of other papers. Kabuto could see 'REPORT' written on it and made it a point to came back and read it to himself.

"You know that myth that Sarutobi told you when you were younger?" Kabuto asked looking innocent.

"…"Orochimaru looked confused.

"You know the one about the white snakes?"

"…Yes."

"You know how their supposed to bring good luck?"

"…Yes." Orochimaru looked even more confused.

"Well, I'm sorry to tell you that the myth is wrong and that white snake's do _not _bring good luck." Kabuto said still looking innocent.

"Wait…how do you know that Sarutobi told me that?"

Kabuto looked nervous for a second and then regained his composer.

"I'm psychic." Was all Kabuto said.

"Psychic?" Orochimaru looked doubtful.

"Yep."

"But then if you're psychic then you would know that I don't believe that myth." Orochimaru said turning back to his work.

Kabuto's face fell for a minute.

"Dammit, I didn't see that in the dairy…" Kabuto said under his breath.

"What did you say?" Orochimaru asked suddenly interested.

"Uh…uh…um…" Kabuto struggled with his words.

"You looked in my dairy?!" Orochimaru yelled now out of his chair and standing striaght.

"…"

"Alright Kabuto, if you're psychic, then what am I thinking now?" Orochimaru asked making his way over to Kabuto.

"…That you're going to kill me?" Kabuto said meekly holding his hands in front of his face.

"Bingo."

Everyone could hear Kabuto's screams of anguish across the base.

-0-

After 3 weeks in the hospital Kabuto was allowed to go back to the layer.

When he got back he went straight to Orochimaru's room to look for the mysterious bundle of papers that said 'REPORT'.

He looked through the papers on Orochimaru's desk until he found what he was looking for.

PSYCHIATRISTS REPORT

June 1

Told me how his room-mates are playing pranks on him.

June 3

Has started wearing a ski cape.

Eyes have started twitching; I don't think he's noticed yet.

July 7

Now has a phobia of the color pink

Permanent eye twitching

Has gotten paler

July 28

Has told me that everyone laughs at him

August 2

Has told me that his room-mate is a cannibal

Sever mental break down

Used up all my tissues

August 18

Claims to have brothers

Has plotted to kill brothers (I think I saw that Maury episode)

September 1

Says the Akatsuki is out to get him

Says they claim he is the Yamata no Orochi (Whatever the hell that is)

…

Kabuto snickered to himself as he set the report back under the pile of papers where had found it.

-0-

**20. Treat him like a baby. (Make him go to bed at a cretin time, give him a binky, blanket, make him wear a diaper, ect, ect…) **

_Dear Dairy,_

_Tayuya's, Kin's, and Karin's motherly instincts have begun to kick in. As to why it is, I have no idea. They been 'practicing' or so they say on me. They have put me in a diaper (It's really uncomfortable) they have given me a binky…_

_I swear if they call me to take another bath, they are going to regret it…_

_I hate them all._

_Love,_

_Orochimaru_

Orochimaru set his pen down and closed the Dairy.

"Orochimaru honey! It's time for your bath!" Karin called from the bathroom.

"ARGH!" Orochimaru's cry could be heard across the base. Followed by girls screams, and then almost immediately after that, boys screams where heard.

Yep, Orochimaru finally snapped.

PSYCHIATRISTS REPORT 2

September 24

Has finally gone insane

Is emotionally distant and quiet

Has locked Suigetsu in a tank full of water

Has sent Karin on guard duty in the North Base

Has locked Juugo and Kimimaro in a prison cell

Has put the curse seal on his subordinates

Has sent Kin, Zaku, and Dosu to retrieve 'Sasuke' from Konoha

Has sent Kabuto to Baby sit the three above

Now has been moved to an asylum

Now plans to attack Konoha and kill his old sensei

…

I should call the police

THE END

* * *

A/N: It's finally over. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it. 

If you think I should make another one just tell me and which character I should use.

Thank you!


End file.
